How much has childhood changed?

When I bring up the subject, there are always those who argue it’s the same with every new generation – how much childhood appears to have changed from the previous generation. But, I'm not sure I buy that. Because, when I was a child, I remember hearing how things were different when my parents were children. How they walked to school. How free they were to run around. How everybody knew everybody. How, if you did something you shouldn’t have across town, not only would an adult (who wasn’t your parent) have had no problem telling you right from wrong, but your mom would have heard about it before you even got home! Back then, I remember thinking, other than the fact that they had so little t.v., it didn’t sound all that much different to what we had. But now, I notice, as we tell our children just how things were different when we were kids, our children appear incredulous and ask to hear it again (and, maybe it sounds 'sad' to some, but ours are kids who don’t see the interior of an actual mall but about twice a year). And, when I think about it, it really does strike me, how much more has changed in only one generation.

What I see, just looking around, is a seriously increased ‘entertainment factor’ in childhood – how much ‘stimulation’ is being provided by parents by way of scheduling things and through technology, as well – t.v. advertising, video games, computers, movies in the car, cell phones and so on. It seems there’s a unique loss of freedom in the daily lives and routines of children. Freedom we took for granted. Freedom for children to roam and go places, unattended by adults. Freedom of unstructured time, where we were allowed to be out of sight for hours, doing "dangerous" things without adult supervision (they were probably lucky not to even know the half of it!). Freedom to come up with creative activities that didn’t require any help from adults, much less any supplies we couldn’t find on our own. Today, it seems most childhood socializing happens at ‘play dates’ and places where kids are ‘scheduled’ to be (dance and karate studios, swimming pools, etc.). And, one thing I most notice is that kids don’t have the kind of freedom we did when it comes to being left to figure out how to get along with other kids in the neighborhood and community by way of ‘hard knocks’ - learning the ropes of interaction, by means of good old fashioned common sense (an amazing teacher!). More often than not, we adults are around to intervene, mediate and provide constant direction. But, with all that our children are exposed to these days, I guess that’s a good thing...!

Below is a list, as it came to mind – a list of contrasts that I see:

These days, most kids…

Don’t walk downtown at the age of eight to check mail or buy groceries.
Don’t visit the old ladies in the candy shop each day, on the way home from school.
Don’t stand on the roadside in clown make-up, waving; just for fun.
Don’t pool their pennies for a long strip of Bud’s green apple gum.
Don’t meet up at swimming holes and fish for crawdad.
Don’t hike up to old dumpsites in search of antique bottles.
Don’t play in dangerous places for hours without grown ups around.
Don’t think of shopping for clothes as a once-a-year event.
Don’t convert Hefty bags into swimming pools when they don’t own a sprinkler.
Don’t sit for tea and stories with the old lady next door.
Don’t all have moms who stand on the roof with a hose, host to a neighborhood water fight.
Don’t know how to ‘rough it’ camping.
Don’t play Dodgeball – it’s been outlawed - too dangerous.
Don’t investigate abandoned houses rumored to be lived in by a witch.
Don’t sneak into hotel pools and saunas, pretending to be the well behaved children of the people in room 103.
Don’t run on asphalt barefoot.
Don’t play king of the hill.
Don’t stop in for free ‘ends’ of meat and cheese at the local deli.
Don’t climb around fences with signs that read “KEEP OUT” and “DANGER” – to scale a metal pole across a canyon, thirty feet up, as a shortcut home.
Don’t go out in a downpour and ride a rope swing, dragging their blue jeans through a massive, brown puddle.
Don’t come home drenched and happy.
Don’t start new businesses on a weekly basis.
Don’t have separate ‘play clothes’.

That's all I have so far because, when I thought about how playing Dodgeball has been banned in school, I found my thoughts moving off on a tangent. No Dodgeball?! It was one of my favorite games in school – the excitement of competition; the fear of being hit; the joy of avoiding that fast-moving, red, rubber ball; the angst of waiting to be picked for a team usually headed up by boys (and not wanting to be last). All of those feelings to be enjoyed, dreaded and managed. And, somehow, we learned to cope. We got our aggression out and, somehow, no one really got hurt. So, why, today, is Dodgeball banned? Is it that it is so much more dangerous than when I was a kid? Or is it that our children apparently cannot be trusted with such a game?

Could it have anything to do with how many children are exposed to shooter-style video games like Grand Theft Auto where the “user” (active participant) is encouraged to shoot cops, steal cars and select the means of assassination of a rape victim (Beat her with baseball bat? Mow her down with your car? Shoot her in the head? Options all graphically depicted...)? Ugh, it turns my stomach that, apparently, a kid who is ‘good’ at this ‘game’ can easily spend 17 hours at ‘play’ to get through it and that the latest edition of this one is expected to sell over 90 million copies… The thought I have is, even if my kids don’t play the games, how many children beside them in life go home to nothing better to do?

Now, I know lots of parents who will argue pro-video games. And I’m not saying all video games are exactly like this one – but, I recently learned video games were first developed by the military as a means of training our guys to pull the trigger (we had, apparently, a real problem in WW1 – guys who wouldn’t pull the trigger, even with the enemy pointing a gun directly at them – the success rate was somewhere down below 20% then I understand – but, now, thanks to ‘advances’ in video game training, there’s nearly a 100% rate of trigger pulling!!). Of course, beyond video games, we’ve got a whole educational diet of antisocial, anti-adult, anti-teacher, anti-parent themes being marketed to our children via modern media using techniques that often go under the radar of many well-meaning, caring adults who simply are living typically hectic, over-worked lifestyles. BTW, one book I highly recommend to all parents is Born To Buy, by Juliet Schor. She teaches at Boston University and went ‘undercover’ as an intern at a large marketing firm for three years or so – learning about the means by which marketers go directly for our children these days. Yes, it’s a book wothy of scholars but it's written in plain English so every parent can easily pick through it in their spare time (read, "in the bathroom"!). Very good stuff!

Anyway – the thought of Dodgeball had me wondering how we see t.v. and video games as healthier outlets for children than Dodgeball. It got me questioning how children are being taught to resolve the physical, social and psychological challenges that crop up in the learning that typically takes place in playing games of any kind.

Is it so bad to be the last one picked and to face the challenges of rank and hierarchy?

It is that horrible to be hit and to know you can survive – to live to play another game?

Is it the end of the world to find yourself coping with being knocked “out” of the running?

Or do such challenges inspire resilience and character?

Ahhhhhhhh. Back to the garden. Where Lord of The Flies in our yard takes place in the old-fashioned, brutal manner nature originally intended - just like it did when I was a kid.


© 2008 Tristan Benz, all rights reserved